It is 10:19 p.m. on a Tuesday and I just suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to document everything that has happened in the past 4 months and 11 days. You, my little love, are 4 months 11 days old and this is the first time I've sat down to document anything about your life so far. I am sorry. Your sister, coming first, had an entire blog with nearly a post a day about her conception, time spent in my womb, and life through the first year or so. If you are upset about that - I totally get it. I was a second child myself. I'm sorry. If you choose to have children of your own someday, you will understand. I know that you hear that a lot as a child/young adult, but it's true. Many things you just have to wait to experience yourself to truly understand.
Where was I? So yeah... I was sitting in my nightly bath with you just outside the door in our room sleeping peacefully. I was thinking about you and how much I love you and how I want to remember everything I can about how my world was changed when you entered it. So I will start with your conception. Don't worry... I'll spare you the details, but your start was quite the surprise for us.
It was summer of 2012 and I was just starting to feel that familiar pull to have another baby. Maggie had recently turned 1 and was changing so much every day - I had a harder and harder time seeing the baby that was once there. I was trying to make the career switch to teaching though and it really wasn't a good time for us and your father was definitely not feeling ready to start the newborn thing over again so we decided to wait another year before we tried again.
Imagine our surprise when you decided that you were ready whether we were or not! I'll admit that I cried at first. I was scared of what it would mean for our life (I was about to start my first year of teaching in a matter or weeks!) and scared about what your dad's reaction would be. I thought I'd keep it a secret for awhile until I could sort of ease him into it. (How do you ease a person into finding out they were going to have another baby?? I have no idea, but my world had been seemingly upturned so forgive my stupidity.) Instead I burst into tears and laid it on him at the first chance I had. You know what he did? He laughed.
It took me awhile to finally believe it was happening and to fall in love with the idea, but I soon did and you started giving me kicks just 13 weeks into the pregnancy and with every little nudge we bonded. I loved you before I ever laid eyes on you and I knew you before anyone else had the pleasure. We found out you were a boy around 18 weeks and we were shocked and your dad was thrilled! I on the other hand was sad. Don't get me wrong - I got over it quickly... but, and I'm not exaggerating, laying on that table with the ultrasound tech still taking measurements of your tiny body parts, I started thinking about you growing up and getting married and moving away (DON'T YOU EVER MOVE AWAY!!!!!!!) ((kidding)) (((kind of))) and just felt sad. I knew that I already loved you like crazy and that that love would just grow and grow with time. I knew that I would have to live through all of these things in your life that would leave me missing you (see, my throat is clenching up just thinking about it now). Like I said though... after some pep talks and some time I got over the sad and fell in love with you even more. A boy. My son. You were MY little guy and I felt special for getting to be your mom. That feeling grows with every day that goes by.
It was an uneventful pregnancy (aside from a touch of gestational diabetes, but that was nothing) and though everyone thought you would come early, you were happy where you were and we had to give you the old boot on the morning of April 2nd...
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